Not From this Reality

My name is Beck Beckett. I was born as Beckeira Rose Marrie, but I’m known to everyone as just Beck.

I’m not from this reality; I came from one quite similar to this one, only different. In my reality, I was just a somewhat normal human citizen of Earth, an average, slim girl with shoulder length, strawberry blonde hair & hazel eyes. I went to work & payed my bills as anyone else, but I was lonely.

I lived alone in a small apartment after I graduated high school & left the Orphanage. This apartment was all I could afford with the crappy gardening job I had. It was hardly enough to live by, I had no assets or luxury items & no car, but still I would find myself skipping meals every now & then so I could pay Steve, my landlord. Even then I would sometimes miss my payment & Steve would beat me when he came to collect. He was an evil man, a real prick of man, not even worthy of being called human, he was a monster. He lived in the same apartment building as I, he owned the place & when I would miss a payment, I would plead with him not to hurt me, but as I had no money to pay him, he would beat me.

After having missed a few payments & receiving quite a few good beatings, I had tried to run away, but he caught me, before I could exit the building. He forced me back to my apartment & onto my own bed. I cried & begged him to stop, but he had whacked me across the face & told to me to shut up. He said it was my own fault, I shouldn’t have tried to leave & I should have payed him on time. He said I deserved it. He hurriedly undid his pants, dropping them to the floor, then ripped my shirt open & yanked my bra off. He hitched my skirt up, dropped his underwear & pulled my undies down as I tried to fight him off. He was too strong for me, he had pinned both my hands above my head & penetrated me. I had half screamed when he whacked me across the face. I had started to cry & then he told me if I tried to scream, he would beat me again. There was nothing I could do, I could only just lay there, crying silent tears as he had his way with me.

When it was over he whispered in my ear as he left, telling me he owned me now & if I told anyone, he would do it again. I had just sat on my bed & pulled a blanket around me, crying. I had felt so dirty, so horrible. I felt ashamed, I felt like it was my fault & that I must of deserved it. I had thought to myself that I would not tell anyone. I didn’t want people to look at me & think of me as a whore. I was afraid of getting in trouble with police & I didn’t want my work colleges to have something else to torment me about.

Knowing I could barely keep up with the rent, Steve selfishly upped the rent to get at me. I couldn’t pay it and for that he would rape me again & again. He had decided that if I wanted to have food to live, he would buy it for me but in return, he would get his way with me whenever he wanted. I even fell pregnant with his child the first time he raped me at age 17, but he would not father the child & so he beat me hard in the stomach to make sure I had a miscarriage. After that I was made to take the pill so as not to get any other unwanted babies. He told me if I ever tried to leave or if I ever told the police or anyone, he said he would kill me. As I was so afraid for my safety, I stayed quiet & kept to myself. I would cover up my bruises with extra clothes & a failed attempt at makeup, which caused my co-workers at my job to tease me.

~~~~

I had no parents to protect me as my parents were both gone, mum had me when she was only a teenager & dad left her for being pregnant. I may have been young at the time but I remember her yelling at me, telling me it’s all my fault that my dad left her. She told me she hated me & wished she never had me. I was waste of space, I ruined her slim figure & ruined her chance of getting into college. She would often neglect me & when I cried for being hungry she would smack me on the backside & again tell me she hated me & that I cry too much.

She never breast fed me as she did not want a pathetic ugly thing sucking off her, so instead she only bottle fed me & not always made the milk warm or when she did, she wouldn’t check to see if the milk was too hot. My mother was a drunk even as a teen & the only peace she got from me is when she would put whiskey into my bottle, as she tried to get me to stop crying & go to sleep.

Mum resented me for dad leaving & so one day she had enough, she abandoned me in a local shopping mall when I was just 3 years old. I was left crying on the floor, until the shops closed & the security guards found me. They took me to the Marry Keller Orphanage & that’s where I lived until I graduated high school.

I had no brothers or sisters, no family at all. I watched as most my fellow orphans got adopted or put into foster care, but not me. No one ever adopted me. It was a very lonely childhood, and even worse teenage years. I had no friends & I didn’t ever have a boyfriend. I had nobody to love & nobody to love me back, my life was depressing, nothing good ever happened… until I met Carson.

~~~~

After three years of hell, it was then 2004, I was 20 years old & after suffering from chronic headaches, nightmares & an irregular heartbeat, it was time I did something about it. I booked into the local Doctor’s practice, I had skipped a few meals to be able to pay for it & was told I would have Doctor Beckett. When I was called into his room, I entered, shut the door & turned around.

He was a rather handsome young man, no older than 29 years of age, was of solid build, broad shoulders, a full head of gorgeous brown hair all spiked up like a cute little mohawk & strong arms full of muscle. He looked up from his desk & had to double take, taking in my own beauty. I looked into his beautiful, shining blue eyes & he stared right back into mine. And that’s when I felt a wave of emotion flowing through me that wasn’t mine. I felt his heartbeat quicken, I felt the butterflies in his stomach, I felt him become nervous as he realizes he is still staring at me. I gave him a gentle smile & he gave me a charming, slightly lopsided smile in return & in that instant we both felt like we had known each other all our lives. I guess you could say it was love at first sight.

Even though I was quite wiry of men because of Steve, I never once felt any danger, anger or hate from the beautiful man that stood before me. I felt calmness, peace, joy & pure love whenever I was in his presence & it made me feel safe. The only man I would ever trust completely.

Oh & the sensing his feelings bit? Yeah I have gift. I can feel people’s emotions when I’m in a close proximity to them. Normally after I come in contact with someone, I can feel what they feel. They feel sad, I feel sad, they’re annoyed, I’m annoyed & so on. I could feel my mother’s hate for me & I could feel the rage & brutality of my landlord & I knew when I felt his urge for sex, that I would be in for a rough night. But that’s not all, I dream too, not an ordinary dream but sometimes I dream of certain events that will happen, but haven’t happened yet, or I dream of an event that has just happened or even happened long ago. It’s weird I know, but that’s just me.

Dr. Carson Beckett was a doctor with an extended knowledge of medicine, who once had a wife whom tragically died in a car crash, along with their newborn daughter. Due to financial difficulties, he was forced to sell the family home & moved into a small apartment, it was a rough time for him, but he always managed to get through. That was 3 years before he met me.

~~~~

After our first meeting, he called me back several times for further tests & checkups, even bumping into me at our local supermarket while he was off duty, he had felt bad for near knocking me to the ground so he offered to buy me a coffee at the café. We sat & talked for near 2 hours laughing & swapping stories & generally enjoying each other’s company. I felt his warmth, I felt his love, I felt him falling in love with me as the hours dawn. He then gave me his personal number, claiming it was for me to call him if my back started to give me any trouble, but I felt his nerves twitch, which told me, that wasn’t entirely true. He wanted to see me again, as much as I wanted to see him.

As I had really did want to see him again, I waited until I knew he would be off duty & that Steve would not be back to the building for some time. I even managed with a lot of careful planning, to save enough money to buy a small, portable, second hand, cassette player, a cassette & an incense stick. I called Dr Beckett claiming my back was rather tense. He insisted he make a house call & so I gave him my address & he came by.

When he arrived, my apartment was as clean as it’s never been before, I had the light music playing softly in the background & I had the sweet smelling incense burning in the lounge room. I invited him in & shut the door locking it. He then asked to inspect my back by sitting me on the couch, though I winced quietly as he lifted my blouse & gently pressed my skin. Even Dr Beckett touching me this way made me feel rather nervous, his calm & kind aurora about him still wasn’t enough to settle my fears. As I had worked extremely hard to clean my apartment, my back actually was quite tense & Dr Beckett could quite easily feel the knots, which he then began to massage them out.

I sat there very tense & could feel his strong, yet gentle hands rubbing & massaging my bare skin, until it began to fill me with warmth, sending tingles down my spine which had nothing to do with the knots. I closed my eyes and leaned into his hands, slightly rolling my neck to the side, biting my lip & clenching my fits around seat of the couch. I wanted so much just to turn around & press my body into his & kiss him. It was the first time in my life, I had ever felt good about being touch by a man. I wasn’t the only one enjoying it.

About 15 minutes later, I could sense his longing to kiss me, his longing to touch me in places other than my back & neck. I soon began to feel uncomfortable again, after being abused by my landlord for so long, Dr Beckett was the only other man I had been in contact with & found myself becoming rather nervous again. He must of noticed my sudden change in body language at that time, as he stopped & pulled my blouse back into place. I thanked him & offered to pay, but he refused to take my money & so I insisted that I make him a cup of coffee instead, which he eventually accepted. Then after about 4 more coffee’s & 3 hours later, it was getting late & he insisted he must leave as he had an early start in the morning & I was eager for him to leave anyway before my landlord returned to the building.

There was something about this Doctor that made me attracted to him, he wasn’t like any other guy I had met before. He was kind and gentle, warm & caring, honest & loyal. His soul was pure, it was as if I had been sent an angel. I asked if I could see him again & he smiled saying he would like that & insisted that I call him Carson when he is off duty.

~~~~

I continued to see Carson for a few weeks, behind the back of my landlord. I didn’t want Steve to find out about Carson, as I was afraid of the consequences. Carson soon came to noticed the beatings I was hiding, but I never told him I had been pregnant & lost the baby at 17.

Unfortunately Steve did eventually find out about Carson, after seeing him leaving my apartment on several occasions. Steve confronted me one night & when I tried to deny it, he beat me so hard, I was unconscious when he raped me again. When I came to, Steve had finished taking a hot shower in my apartment, came out, saw me awake, climbed back onto my bed, climbed back on top of me fully clothed this time, leaned forward, grabbed my throat, making me gasps for air & whispered in my ear; “Your mine. If I ever see him again, if he ever sets foot in this building again, his eyes will be the last thing you’ll ever see before I take the life from them. I’ll kill him. And you’ll be next. You got that?” All I could do was nod my tear stained face, as I choked.

Carson was so concerned for my safety the next he saw me, but I begged him not to do anything or call the police, as I was too afraid of the promise Steve had told me. Carson was so determined to protect me though, that he agreed not to call the police, but begged me to come live with him in his apartment for a while. I was scared, but I trusted him & so I agreed. He helped me pack up everything I owned which wasn’t very much at all & he took me home to live with him.

I lived with Carson in his apartment for a few months, though I feared every day that Steve would find us. Carson’s apartment was a suburb away from Steve’s building, so it would be only so soon Steve would cross our path. But soon, Carson admitted he had plans to move back to his home country, Scotland & asked me come with him & escape this hell once & for all. I was over the moon & of course I accepted. We packed up only what was very precious to us & our clothes, leaving everything else even furniture behind, to start afresh in our new home. I was finally free. I was free from the hell I called home. I never saw or heard from Steve again.

~~~~

We had moved to Scotland within the month & we lived happily together for the following 12 months & eventually became engaged. Then everything went wrong.

As Carson was involved with a top secret Stargate program which I had no clue about at the time & he was the discoverer and a carrier of an alien ATA gene, the aliens being called the Ancients, ATA stands for Ancient Technology Activation. The gene allows humans to interact with specialized Ancient technology such as the “Chair” at the secret Antarctica base. His medical expertise and his history with the Ancient gene had earned him a spot on an expedition to a city called Atlantis on another planet, called Atlanta, in the Pegasus galaxy. He was to be the expedition’s chief medical officer.

He was so excited to be a part of this, even knowing he would be leaving me behind. I knew how much this expedition meant to him, he had been waiting for this his whole life. All I knew was he was on a very top secret mission for the United Air force & I wasn’t about to get in his way. He promised to contact me whenever he could, if he could & I said I’ll be waiting for him.

~~~~

For the next three years, he would come home once a month for a few days at a time, except holidays like Christmas which he would come home for two weeks & we would be together & love each other as if he had never left. Then one day he said goodbye to me, telling me he loved me & set off back to the Pegasus galaxy. That was the last time I ever saw him.

A month later, it was a Saturday night, and the Sunday night my Carson was due to come home as the Monday we were to be married. The night before he was due home, I had a dream, a very awful dream. I dreamed of Carson in his infirmary at Atlantis, I felt his nervousness & worry as he operated on a patient to remove a tumour. It wasn’t any ordinary tumour, it was very unstable & likely to explode. That’s right, explode. Like setting off a grenade in your own hand. He was concerned for his patient & was determined to save him, even when given the orders to leave, leave the patient as another patient who had the same tumour, did explode & took out half the hallway as the patient had headed for the infirmary.

He refused to leave his patient, he had sent his co-workers & nurses away for safety, but he stayed. He finally removed the tumour, placing it into a biohazard case, awaiting the bomb squad to retrieve it. He then stitched up his patient & he was done. Then he only waited for the boom squad to arrive, but I felt his patience leave him & he had picked up the case & walked out of the infirmary intent on meeting the squad halfway. Moments later as he walked out into the hall, the squad arrived & he handed over the case gently. I had felt his relief & he turned to leave, signalling to his expedition leader through the com link, he had successfully handed over the tumour. But not a second after he had said that, a loud bang followed by flames engulfed him & he was gone.

I had screamed & woke up, I couldn’t believe what I had just dreamed, I would not believe it, it was just a dream I told myself, but that didn’t stop me from balling my eyes out & feeling my heart ripped in two. I felt so sick, that I had to lock myself in the bathroom for an hour as I would bring up what little contents I had in my stomach. I could not sleep after that, so I had just lain on our bed for hours, occasionally looking over to the corner of my room where my wedding dress hung there on a hanger, looking beautiful, with Carson kilt hanging next to it, until the light of day seeped through my windows.

I then got up & spent my Sunday morning cleaning our house just to clear my mind. By that late afternoon I received a phone call at from the United Air force telling me what I was dreading to hear. My dream had come true, they told me Carson had been killed in action. I remember just freezing, I dropped the phone & sunk to my knees. He was dead. My Carson was dead & I never even got to tell him I was two weeks pregnant. I cried so much & so hard I couldn’t breathe, I thrashed around on the floor kicking the air & screaming. It was the worst feeling in the world. Finally I had no more energy & so had lain curled on the floor of the living room sobbing for hours.

Carson’s body was returned the next day & we had a true Scottish funeral, with some of his good friends from the expedition & his mother. His coffin was draped with the Scottish flag & bagpipes played. It was a beautiful send off, but all I wished was to have him back. It was the funeral in which I finally met the Rodney McKay I has seen in some of my dreams with Carson. He was surprised when he came to console me & introduce himself & I had looked up, seen him & said “Hello Rodney” without even thinking. He asked how I knew him & if Carson told me anything he shouldn’t have. I explained to Rodney about my dreams & that is how I know of him & Atlantis.  He had reported this to his superiors & they requested I be brought in, but Rodney insisted that they give me time to grieve, who was I going to tell? Who would believe me anyway?

It was days before I would attempt to eat anything & sleep was hard to get either, as I would only relive the horror every time I dreamed. Without Carson, I could no longer afford to keep the house, our house & I was evicted. At this point the Air Force had sent for me, they granted me clearance & told me everything I didn’t know about the Stargate program, aliens, other planets & Atlantis. Then out of compassion, the fact I was pregnant & had nowhere else to go, they decided I would live on base at the SGC, and serve as a civilian assistant to the program.

~~~~

Four months later and after a lot of hard work helping the SGC with odd jobs here & there, studying other planets with Dr Daniel Jackson & visits from Dr Rodney McKay every so often, I had earned my ticket to visit the city where my fiancé had worked & lived for the past three years. Upon arrival, I was greeted by Rodney & he showed me around. As we toured the base, I let slip to him I was pregnant, to which he congratulated me, then had to calm me down as I began to cry, explaining that I never got to tell Carson. I then had asked Rodney to be my child’s godfather, to which he was only happy to agree too, he said it would be an honer to be the godfather of his best friends child. This trip, my first trip, I was granted to stay for a month, but before the month was up, the expedition team had discovered a clone. A clone of the very man I had lost. It was a clone of my Carson Beckett.

I was of course stunned. I was confused, happy & sad at the same time. I didn’t know what to feel. The leader of the expedition, Elizabeth Weir had warned me that this was not my fiancé, this man is the exact replica of my fiancé, even down to every last memory he has of me, but he is a clone. My fiancé is gone. But Elizabeth had agreed I could meet him after Rodney had slipped that I was in the city & pregnant, so he had wanted to see me. He had never met me, but he loved me with all his heart, I know it. I felt it when we met.

By the end of the month, as there was an unexpected malfunction with the Stargate, I was unable to go home to Earth for another month & so I stayed in Atlantis, until I could catch a ride home on the Earth ship Daedalus when it made it’s return trip to the Milkyway. So meanwhile as having two months to explore the city & its people & as the weeks went on, Rodney & I now best friends, we became quite close with Carson’s clone who we took to naming Carson.A. The three of us were good friends & would hang out together when they were off duty. Sometimes I would assist them in their daily tasks & really enjoyed their company. I was falling in love with Carson’s clone & he was falling in love with me, even though knowing I was carrying the child of the original Carson. It was becoming quite clear that we both had an attraction to each other. It felt as if I had my Carson back, as if he never died at all. But deep in the back of my mind I knew the harsh truth. This Carson was not my fiancé, that man is dead.

~~~~

After my late Carson’s death, he had been replaced by a fresh out of med school nurse who I despised very much. Dr Jenifer Keller. She had already been in Atlantis & on the job two months before I first arrived in the city. But oh that Keller, she thought she was the best thing in the galaxy, always correcting me, always putting me in my place, always pulling rank over me, telling me I didn’t belong, telling me how useless I am & that she can’t understand why they allow a civilian citizen of Earth to roam the city as I please, especially a pregnant one. Keller even had the nerve to hit on Carson.A, even after we had become a couple.

She had a thing for him & she wanted him, but knowing I was then six months & two weeks pregnant, Carson.A wasn’t about to leave me. But she was so determined to have him, that one day while giving me a check up, she gave me an injection, into my stomach, telling me it was routine for pregnant women. Within the week I feel terribly ill & Rodney stayed with me & slept on the couch of the quarters, so that he would be nearby if I needed him. Then one morning I hadn’t woken up & Rodney had become quite concerned for me, so he came into the room, found I was quite cold & when he pulled back the blankets, I was lying in a pool of blood. I had a miscarriage. Once I had been taken to the infirmary, gotten cleaned up, put on an IV drip & put into a bed, the next morning I was told of the terrible news. I was devastated, I screamed the house down, my baby was the only thing I had left of my late fiancé. I was a total wreck for hours & when I had recovered enough to think clearly for awhile, I had connected the dots & concluded, that Keller injected me with something lethal to babies. On that conclusion, I had ripped the IV from my arm, climbed out of bed to look for Keller. When I found her in her Carson’s old office, I confronted her & screamed at her that she murdered my baby. She of course deafened herself claiming it was a tragic accident, she claimed she had no clue & that someone must of switched the syringes by mistake. Told me that I had no proof & that I’m just hormonal & depressed. I tried to hit her, but another doctor on duty held me back & Elizabeth had no choice but to have me sedated until I was forced into an induced early labour & give birth to my dead baby. Then once I was well enough to be discharged, I was confined to my quarters a week to grieve. But I was so distraught I wouldn’t talk to anyone for a month & only excepting food when I couldn’t stand the pain of hunger any longer.

Then with no baby in the way, Keller was back to her old tricks to try & separate Carson.A from me & so for the next two years she would do anything she could to push me away from him. She would say how I should be ashamed of dating Carson.A, that it isn’t right, I have a fiancé & I that I was cheating on him, saying I don’t deserve Carson.A & that if my fiancé was alive, he should dump me. Then say that he was no better really as he was cheating on his late wife, with me. I had slapped her for that comment, she’s lucky that’s all I ever did to her as I wanted to beat the crap out of her for killing my baby two years before. After I had slapped her, she reported me, but thankfully I only received a warning. She was killing me, she would tell Carson.A lies about me & continued to guilt trip me into thinking I was wrong for dating Carson.A. I was losing my Carson all over again, but this time I could see it happening much slower & right in front of my own eyes rather than in my dreams. Eventually as I was not always there, she succeeded. She had driven him away from me, she took him for her own. They were to be engaged. She killed my baby & then took my second chance of being happy with Carson.A.

The following month, I was asked to stay for the four weeks to help out in the city. Keller and Carson.A would be married on the last day of that month. It was so hard to see Keller walking around with Carson. A, she would shove her engagement ring in my face, every opportunity she could behind Carson.A’s back, to prove to me how she stole him from me. It was torture, though I only had to suffer this for the next three weeks, as after the third week was through, something happened. Something big, something that would again change my life forever.

~~~~

Three weeks after Keller had announced their engagement, I was to be going back home this day, back to the SGC & about time. After being in Atlantis for those three weeks, I was well ready to go home. I was sitting in the mess hall having my last minute lunch before going home, when suddenly without warning I heard a massive explosion that only I could hear apparently, then immediately followed by a blinding flash. As soon as I regained my sight, I noticed I was no longer in the mess hall, I wasn’t in Atlantis, I wasn’t even in that galaxy, I was… home. Not the SGC, I was standing in the kitchen of our house, mine & my late Carson’s house. I was confused, how could this happen? I was evicted, but everything is still here as if I never left. I looked down at the sink, realizing the tap is running & about to flood the top, I turn the tap off & then noticed two dirty wine glasses. I picked one up & looked at it, it had lipstick on it and the other didn’t. I had then glanced over to the dining room & something caught my attention & with the glass still in my hand I walked over to the mantle piece. ‘It’s gone’ I think to myself ‘Carson’s ashes are gone’. I had Carson’s ashes in an urn & couldn’t bare myself to part with it & so it was kept on the mantelpiece, with the blue & white Scottish flag folded up next to it, but not anymore. Instead there was a family photo in it’s place, a photo of Carson & I who seems to be cradling a baby in my arms. How could this be? I remembered this photo, it was 2004, the first year we had met, we had gone to the zoo, just the two of us, Carson loved the turtles. I remembered spending hours sitting in front of the turtle enclosure, talking & laughing & just having a good old time. I smiled at that thought, but then remembered, there was no baby, I’d remember something like that, so why am I holding a baby in the picture? And its time stamped for 2001, not 2004, it just doesn’t make sense. More than that, how the hell did I get here & where are Carson’s ashes?

I then heard footsteps behind me, making me whirl around & at the site of him, I dropped the wine glass, shattering into big & smell pieces as it hit the floor. “Beck?” he had said out loud, looking quite as shocked as me, as if he’s seeing a ghost. I was stunned, why was Carson’s clone in my house? “I- Carson.A? What are you doing here? Where’s Keller?”. He looked at me confused, then finally able to speak he asked “Who’s Keller?” And at that moment a little girl, had come out of a room, wandered up to Carson, looked at him then to me & back to Carson & asked “Daddy is that mommy?”. I stared at the girl then back to Carson. “Y-you have a daughter?” Carson frowned & looked more confused, “aye, this is Abby, our daught-“ He stopped short, this can’t be right. “ ‘ow is this possible?” He looked down at my right ankle & noticed it was bleeding, “Beck, ye ankle is cut. Lemme see. Abby stay back there’s glass around”.

This was Abby, this was the daughter my late Carson had lost before I met him & yet there she was, mostly likely around 8 years old now. But how? And why is she with Carson.A? Carson had guided me to the couch so he could inspect my ankle cut. I didn’t feel the pain, I just stared at Abby & Carson, so he has no clue of who Keller is & he has the daughter my late Carson should of have. What is going on? He then fetches a medical kit & returns, before looking Abby & saying “Abby why don’ y’ go play in y’ room f’r a bit?”. “Ok.” She says as she takes off running to her room.

As Carson attends to my ankle, I then ask “her mother? she’s… gone?”. Carson looks up, “Aye. Three years ago. Abby was five.” I think to myself but accidently say loud enough that he hears me, “Car accident, died instantly”. Carson frowns “’ow y’ know tha’? It- ‘ow are y’ ‘ere? I dunn understand ‘ow this is possible? Y’-”, “Dead.” I finish his sentence but I had meant he was dead. I had concluded this wasn’t Carson.A, this was the original Carson, though he’s not my Carson, he can’t be. We then ask the same question in unison “How are you alive?”, then in unison again, “What?”, we stare at each other confused, then he goes first; “Y’ –y’ died in tha’ car accident three years ago”, I think to myself but that was my Carson’s late wife that had died & she died with their daughter.

“You never told me your late wife’s name, only that she died, along with your newborn daughter Abby, in a car crash eight years ago. And… Y-you died two & a half years ago. From an exploding tumour, you removed from your patient. Elizabeth Weir ordered you to go but you refused. You had to save your patient. You handed over the biohazard case you put it in, but before you could get clear… it- you… gone…”

Tears had begun stream down my face, and whether I was his Beck or not, he pulled me into a hug & I hugged him back & I whisper “I’ve missed you so much”. He must of thought the same thing as he whispered; “Thank y’ God, f’r brin’ ‘er back t’ meh” & he sobbed too. We sat like this for a moment when Abby came back out & said “Is mummy an Angel?”, to which Carson smiled & said “Aye, love. Y’ mother’s an angel & she’s come back t’ us.” Abby gave me hug & said “I dreamed you would come back. Daddy show’d me pictures of you. Some with me when I was a baby. I remember you from those pictures. You look just like her. Do you lose some of your memories when you come back as an angel?” I stare at her & Carson looks to Abby; “I thin’ so love, but tha’s why we need t’ talk. Jus’ go play f’r a bit & we’ll call y’ when we’re ready ok?” Abby nodded & left.

I look to Carson, then to Abby as she leaves & then back to Carson & whisper “I-I’m her mother?”, to which Carson replies; “Me late wife’s name… was… Beckeira Rose Beckett”. I then whispered in return; “But, but that’s my name, well Beckeira Rose Marrie, I never became Beckett, as you… died the day before our wedding”. Then something clicks; “Perhaps… maybe, oh maybe, I think I’m not in my reality anymore… I mean one moment I’m in Atlantis, then the next, I’m here…” Carson, is surprised; “Did y’ jus’ say Atlantis?” As my late Carson nor this one had ever told me anything of Atlantis, let alone other planets. “Yes Atlantis, perhaps, because you don’t know who Keller is, maybe this reality there is no Keller? She never marries Carson.A…” As I think out loud, Carson pipes in; “’ow’d y’ know about Carson.A?” I answer without thinking of what Carson is really saying, “Rodney, told him I was in the city, not long after Shep’s team found him & we met. Became an item, before that Keller got in the way…” I continue with Carson staring at me; “I think this is an alternate reality, but how? How did this happen? Why me? I-.” Carson interrupts; “Wha’ are y’ talkin’ abou’?”, I respond; “Oh just something I overheard Daniel & Carter talking about, awhile back”. “Col. Samantha Carter & Dr Daniel Jackson?”. “Yes, from the S.G.C… Stargate Command… Why are you looking at me like that?”. “’ow do y’ know all this? Tha’s top secret. No one ‘spose t’ know any o’ tha’, unless y’ go’ clearance”. “I do. Well I did. I probably need to visit Stargate Command, I- I don’t belong here. Carter will find a way to send me back… not that I want to go back… there’s nothing for me back there, only Rodney. He & I became close friends, even after Keller split me & Carson.A up. Rodney was on my side & didn’t believe a word Keller said about me. Wonder if they noticed I’m gone?”.  “If y’ don wanna go. Then don’. Stay with meh ‘ere. Please, I wan’ y’ t’ stay. At leas’ f’r a while. Abby think’s y’ ere mother, I can’ tell ‘er y’ no’. She won’ understand. Please?”, I coincided his proposal a moment & then said; “Ok. I’ll stay, for now. But eventually I need to visit Stargate Command. I can’t have you getting in trouble for having me here. Someone will notice soon enough that I’m alive. I’m supposed to be dead…”

~~~~

A few days had passed, it was late at night, Carson & Abby had gone to bed, I had been sleeping on the couch for the past three days as I didn’t feel comfortable sharing a bed with a man that isn’t my Carson. I was laying on the couch, in the dark & I found myself thinking; A few days has passed & I’m still here, this isn’t a dream, it can’t be. Can it? Could I be dreaming? Either way, I don’t belong here. I can’t stay. I have to leave. I’ll go to Stargate Command & explain myself. I wonder if I’m right in thinking this is an alternate reality? Maybe Sam will know? I hope they are as friendly as the SGC I know. Even if they aren’t, I can’t stay & let Carson get in trouble for housing someone with the knowledge of top secret Air Force business. They will think he told me, he may lose his job there or worse, what if he got a court marshal because of me? No. I can’t let him. It’s not fair to him & he has a daughter to care for anyway. Also the fact I look like his late wife, I can’t leave the house, people will start talking, what will they make of me, a ghost? They may try to hunt me down. They may be frightened of me, or call me an imposter. I may be arrested for fraud. I can’t stay, I have to leave. Even if the SGC lock me up & throw away the key, it’s better than Carson being punished because of me.

After a while I had fallen asleep & began to dream…

{I’m sleeping on the couch, I don’t belong here, I open my eyes, I’m in my house, but it isn’t. Carson is asleep in our room, but it’s not my room & he isn’t my Carson. I don’t belong here. I can’t be here. It isn’t right. Abby thinks I’m her mother, but I’m not. I’m an imposter. The front door burst open, the military storm in, they grab me, some head for Carson’s bedroom, dragging him out too, telling him he’s under arrest. No! I scream. It’s not his fault! He didn’t know! He didn’t know! Please? He has a daughter, you can’t take him away! A woman enters & goes to Abby’s room carrying her out kicking & screaming, the woman is from Child Protective Services. No! Let her go! Take me! Take me! Then the dream changes a bit, the military are gone, instead Carson & Abby stand in living room watching me getting taken by a few doctors & scientist I remember from Atlantis & the SGC, except now they are Asylum carers. One of the blonde carers that walk in, has a familiar look about her, I don’t see her face until she stands next to Carson & turns to face me. My heart sinks as I see Keller staring back at me. “Keller? What are you doing here? Please, tell them I’m not mad… Keller?!” She just looks at me then says to the other carers; “This poor lady has lost the plot”, to which I plead; No! Please I’m not mad! Get off me! I’m telling the truth, I’m from another reality! Carson & Abby are dead, Dr Keller replaced my fiancé as head of medicine. I was in Atlantis! Please believe me! Ask Stargate Command they will tell you, I’m telling the truth! Keller replies; There is no Stargate Command, there is no Atlantis, Carson & Abby are clearly alive & there is no such thing as alternate realities. You’re sick, you need help. She then steps towards me & whispers in my ear so only I can hear; He will be mine. You should be ashamed of dating this Carson, it isn’t right, you have a fiancé, your cheating on him, you don’t deserve this Carson, let alone the dead one. If he was alive right now, he should dump you. Then again, he was no better really as he was cheating on ME… his late wife. You disgust me. Even the other you, from this reality disgust me, as it should have been me he married, not her. Abby is supposed to be mine, she died with me in that car crash. I will have my revenge. I will take this Carson for my own & this Abby will be mine. As for you, your going away, far, faraway, locked up & never to be seen again. Keller then raises her voice & speaks to the other carers; Take her! I plead with them; No! Please! No! Let me GO!}

That last part I had said out loud, waking me from my dream. Carson had woken up from my yelling, came out to me & turned the lounge side lamp on. “Beck? Y’ aligh’?” he asked. I had begun to cry at that point & nodded & said it was just a bad dream & that I’m fine. I had told him not to worry & go back to sleep.

~~~~

Two weeks after arriving in this reality, I was struggling to cope with the constant recurring dream I had every night & it was making it quite hard for me to want to stay. So I had finally decided it was time to leave, but as I had no money, I would hitchhike as far away from Carson as I could, then I’d have to get a job & earn enough money to leave Scotland & make my way to Stargate Command in America. There I would explain my situation & request asylum. So that night after Carson & Abby were asleep in their beds, I had gathered a few clothes that Carson had given me, that had belonged to his own Beck, shoved them into a backpack along with a photo of Carson I took from the mantle. I then took a pen & paper & scribbled down a quick note;

Carson,
I’m sorry, but I can’t stay any longer.
I don’t belong here, I don’t fit in. I look too much like Abby’s mother, I should be dead.
Someone will spot me soon enough & I can’t have you getting in trouble for me.
I know too much to just live here in peace, I’m going to hand myself in to the SGC.
Thank you for letting me stay for this last two weeks. You’re too kind.
I wish you all the best. Say good bye to Abby for me.
Other Beck.

I had placed the note on the coffee table in front of the couch, looked towards Carson’s bedroom & whispered good bye. I couldn’t bare to go & look at their faces as they slept, or I would never leave. Then I swung the backpack over my shoulder, walked to the door, placed my hand on the handle, my face was dripping with tears & I had been just about to turn the handle & open the door when I had heard a voice call my name.

I knew that voice, I knew that quiet whisper that nobody else could hear, I remember the sweet smelling aroma that accompanied that voice. “Beck” I turned around to see my late Carson standing before me, with sort of a bright glow around him, his blue eyes shining bluer than when he was alive. His hair dark brown & with that cute little mohawk I love so much. This was my Carson, the one I lost in my old reality. He looked at me with worry in his face & then he spoke again, while I stood there in shock.

“Beck, you canna’ leave”

“Carson?” I replied finally. “What? How? How are you here? How is this even possible? I thought I lost you again, when I was thrown here”

“I’m bound t’ y love. Where ever y’ are, I follow y’. Even across realities. I followed y’ through the rift tha’ brough’ y’ ‘ere.”

“But. What about your late wife & child?”

“They’re bound t’ tha’ Earth, back where they died”

“But that means, when you pass over… you’ll never join them… you can never go back. As long as I can never go back, neither can you. You’re stuck here with me.”

“I know love. I chose t’ be with y’. I chose you. They where another life, the life before I met y’. I ‘ad m’ time with ‘em while i’ lasted. I was with m’ late wife f’r two wonderful years before we married an’ she fell pregnant. Bes’ time o’ our lives back then. Little Abby was only 6 weeks old when they both died. ‘ow ever short i’ was, I ‘ad my time with ‘em. I loved them very much & always will. They’ll always have a spot in me’ ‘eart. Bu’ when I met you… I knew y’ were tha’ one I’d always mean’ t’ be with… Y’ meh soul ma’e. I coul’ never leave y’. Ever. I love y’ Beck. I’ dosen’t end with death. Mah love f’r y’ is never endin’.”

As we spoke I had backed up to the couch & sat down, so that we both sat facing each other in arms length. I stared into his eyes, my eyes watering as I thought how much I miss him.

“I have to leave Carson, I can’t stay here. I don’t belong here. I belong with you, in our own reality. This Carson is not you. His Abby never died & she thinks I’m her mother. It’s not fair on her & I can’t risk him getting in trouble for keeping me here under the radar. The SGC would think he revealed top secret information to a civilian & he will be court marshalled. I can’t let that happen. And how do you explain to the people here that the woman they know to be dead, is now alive & walking about? No, I have to go. I will had myself into the SGC & explain my situation. Hopefully someone will believe me. Else I’m scared they’d throw me in a mad house & throw away the key.”

“Tha’ was jus’ a dream love. Tha’ Keller ain’ ‘ere & no-one will lock y’ up. Y’ canna leave. This Carson is your life now… “

“But I feel I’m cheating. You’re my fiancé, not him”

“Don’ mourn wha’ is gone, it’s time t’ let go. I wan’t y’ be ‘appy. I wan’ y’ move on. Y’ deserve t’ be ‘appy & this Carson can give y’ tha’. He is y’ second chance a’ ‘appiness. Don’ refuse it love. Take this secon’ chance, if no’ f’r y’, than do i’ f’r me. I love y’ Beck, I wan’ y’ t’ be ‘appy, bu’ y’ canna be ‘appy if y’ don’ let go of tha past.”

I had started to cry by this point & even though he was just a spirit, he could make himself solid to me, but only me. Solid enough that he could wrap me in his arms as I cried.

“I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay… stay with me in this moment for ever”

“Shhh, love. Donn’ cry, res’ now love”

My spirit Carson then proceeded to sing to me. Sing me to sleep in his arms.

“When darkness, is no less, than everything you’ve built become undone.

There’s no fight and no flight, disaster leaves your passion overrun.

It’s time to let go, it’s time to carry on with the show.

Don’t mourn what is gone, greet the dawn.

n’ I will be standing by your side.

Together we’ll face the turning tide.

Remembrance, can be a sentence, but it comes to you with a second chance in tow,

Don’t lose it, don’t refuse it, cos you cannot learn a thing you think you know,

A new light is warm, shining down on you after the storm,

Don’t mourn what is gone, greet the dawn,

n’ I will be standing by your side, together we’ll face the turning tide…”

Once I was asleep, my late Carson lifted me off of him, laid me gently on the couch, pulled a blanket over me, bent down to kiss my forehead, whispered,

“I love y’ Beck. With all me ‘eart”

I heard that comment even as I slept & I replied sleepily,

“You really are an angel… my very own Guardian Angel”

“Aye. An’ I will always be there when y’ need meh. Bu’ I dun wanna frighten people so, when y’ no longer alone, I’ll disappear. But I won’t be far away.”

A smile had spread across my face & my Carson knew he had finally convinced me to stay. With me then fast asleep, he disappeared into thin air, just as the other Carson walked into the living room, found my note, read it, but realising I must of changed my mind, as I was still there. He picked me up & carried me to his bed, where I would be more comfortable.

In the middle of that same night, I had woken to find I was in this Carson’s bed. He had placed me in his own bed & slept on the floor below me as to not frighten me when I woke up. I leaned over the bed, saw his outline sleeping on the floor, I smiled & before I knew what I was doing, I had climbed out of bed & joined him on the floor. After about 5 minutes of staring at his sleeping face in the dark, thinking of how much he is like my late Carson, I had found myself stroking his hair, then snuggling up to him, pulling his arm around me & I fell asleep.

By the next morning I found I was back in his bed, but he was gone. I heard soft voices down the hall & so I had pulled on a gown over the clothes I had worn the night before & went to find Carson & Abby in the kitchen having breakfast.

Carson noticed me & looked up, a smile widened across his face, then spoke in that gorgeous accent of his that just seemed to melt my heart,

“Morning love. Sleep well?”

“I did. Did you move me last night?”

“Aye. Sorry, i’s jus’ I though’ y’ may be more comfortable on tha bed, since I no’iced y’ decided t’ stay. I saw y’ no’e, bu’ y’ din’ leave”

My face then turned a little red as I blushed, then I replied,

“Oh yes, I, I ah, changed my mind. Decided I want to try to live here, with you… If that’s ok.”

“Aye. I’ woul’ make meh very ‘appy if y’ stayed ‘ere with me. I love y’.”

He dropped his voice to a whisper as he walked over to hug me & whispered in my ear,

“Even though we only met two weeks ago, I feel as though I’ve known y’e f’r a lo’ longer. No’ cause y’ look like mah late Beck an’ y’ share ‘er name. I’s something else, I canna’ explain. I’s like i’ was fate tha’ brough’ y’ t’ meh. Y’ jus’, ye jus’ like an angel tha was sen’ t’ me. I – I love y’ Beck.”

I felt the same way, so I told him the truth,

“I feel the same. I’m sort of glad I was thrown here… to you. I- I was so lost without… without my late Carson. I still am, but when I’m with you, I feel… I feel as though you are him & I want to be around you all the time, I miss him so much… it-it sounds crazy, but missing him makes me… love you. I love you.”

“I- I never knew. I never knew there was another me from where y’ came from. ‘m sorry f’r y’ loss, I- I do know wha’ i’s like t’ lose someone”

“He- he died in the city, doing what he does best, saving lives. Atlantis was very different without him…”

As I recalled those horrible memories, I started to cry & Carson had moved forward, wrapped me in his arms & hugged me as I cried. Little Abby noticed that I was crying & she asked,

“Why is angel mummy crying?” Carson then looked at Abby & said,

“Coz she los’ someone. Someone very special t’ ‘er an’ i’ makes ‘er sad”

“Like when mummy died before & we were sad? Maybe that person can come back like mummy did?”

“No lil one. Tha’ person is gone. Cann’a ever come back. Mummy is special”

“She’s an angel”

“Aye. An angel. A very beautiful angel”

~~~~

Two weeks later, I was settling in quite well, even allowed myself to get to know this Carson proper & before long I knew I was madly in love with this new Carson. It felt right, this was my life now, my angel Carson was right, this is where I belong now. By the end of the Carson proposed, it was fast I know, but we both felt like we have known each other for years. So we became engaged & after falling in love with his little daughter, he asked if I would adopt her & I was only so happy to do so. I loved her as if she were my own.

But it was now time to visit the SGC. Carson still had his late Beck’s passport & had renewed it & gave it to me, so that the three of us could fly to America. It’s a long trip so we packed enough for a couple of days, then headed off to the airport early in the morning. Once we had landed in America, we decided to take a few hours to visit the town in Palm Springs, before heading off to the SGC.

Once there, Abby was escorted to Sam’s lab, where she liked to visit when daddy brings her to the SGC. Carson & I were taken to see the Jack of this reality who was the General of the base. We were asked to come into his office & sit down. First Jack introduced himself, to which I said, I knew who he was, then asked me to sign a nondisclosure form, which I did sign. Then he explained about the program, to which I said I know. Then I mentioned Atlantis & he asked what I knew about it. I told him everything I know & about my past & how I lived on Atlantis itself. He was unhappy that Carson had not reported me to the SGC sooner, but he was willing to let it slide. Then a moments silence, before I spoke up,

“So what happened? How am I here?”

Jack raised his eyebrow, looked at Carson then back to me & replied, “This isn’t your Earth. You & say 84 others that we are aware of, were chucked into this reality, due
to an event we are still trying to fully understand. Your counterparts I’d say, in turn were pushed out, maybe to your original realities, but given the number of variables, that is unlikely”

I listened, then interrupted for a moment, “So you don’t know what caused it? This is it? No way back? What happens to us? To me?”

“We have some of the best minds in the business working on this, the ‘whys’ & the ‘hows’-“

“Sam & Daniel?”

“-a, yes. Sam & Daniel & a few others”

“Rodney? Is there a Rodney in this reality?”

Jack sighed, nodded & replied, “Yes, that pain in the ass is here too”

I smiled, that’s my Rodney.

“So what happens to me now? Can I stay with Carson?”

“Your counter part is… well I assume Carson has told you?”

At that moment Carson had put an arm around me & squeezed gently, letting me know it’s ok to talk about it,

“Yes. She’s no longer with us”

“So you see the problem. The Beck of this reality died & if the public see you wondering about people are going to notice, to ask questions, you’re supposed to be dead. Without a good cover story, you should not be allowed to be out in public-”

I interrupted,

“But Abby, she thinks, she says I’m an angel, she thinks I’m her mother come back from heaven. She’s so happy to have her mother back. And I love her as my own. I couldn’t leave her, I just can’t & Carson…”

I had trailed off as Carson then piped up,

“Aye, please Jack. There’s got’a be a way tha’ Beck ‘ere can stay with me n’ Abby. I- I love ‘er, please General? We’re engaged t’ be married”

Jack looked down at my hand on the table, with the engagement ring Carson had given me recently, then back up to me.

“If you can keep her out of sight till we have a good solid cover story for why & how she is here, then-”

Jack was cut off, as the door of his office was opened & Rodney stood in the door way, looking stunned.

“Beck?”

I turned to look, a smile spread across my face when I saw him.

“Hello Rodney”

Carson replied too,

“ ’ello Rodney buddy”

Rodney took no notice of Carson or the General’s protests,

“You- your alive? Your back? I was visiting Sam’s lab, Abby told me you were here, I had to see for myself, I- I mean, sorry I’m Rodn- wait you know me already?”

I smiled and answered,

“Yes, you and are were very close, where I came from”

Rodney smiled,

“We were? I mean, of course we were! How could we not be? Do- do you mind? I rather missed you?”

He had indicated he wanted a hug, to which I stood, walked over to him, he stepped forward & we both hugged. From that moment on, he & I were as close as we ever were in my old reality, this was really feeling like home.

~~~~

After Jack decided I could remain with Abby & Carson, as long as I keep it on the down low for now, I then met the rest of SG1, including Sam & Daniel in her lab with Abby. Everyone was as I remember them from my own reality, I was quite relieved of that. Jack offered us a room & said we are welcome to stay for a few days if need be, before we head home, back to Scotland.

A few days later we returned to Scotland, then Carson told me he had to go back to work soon & asked if I wouldn’t mind caring for Abby while he is gone, he even arranged for a nanny to help out & drive Abby to school each day. I would miss him terribly, but I agreed. We decided to marry before he went back to Atlantis, so planed a small wedding at the cottage, inviting Sam, Rodney, Teal’c, & Daniel, even jack but he had to decline due to work commitments. It was a lovely little wedding, nothing flash, but at least we did get married & had our friends with us & Abby too.

We married a week after returning from America, then after 3 short days, Carson said his goodbyes & left to head back to the SGC, where he would then, gate through to Atlantis. I remained behind to care for Abby at home as I promised. It was hard, but we managed.

~~~~

Unknown to me, on his off hours, Carson was working on selling the cottage & getting Abby transferred to a boarding school in America. He was making calls through the open wormhole on the scheduled updates with the SGC. Then a month later, Carson returned to Abby & I in Scotland, told us the great news that we were moving to Atlantis, he had permission from the SGC & Elizabeth & that the cottage was on the market. We had 2 weeks to pack up, selling our furniture that we wouldn’t need & once again, taking only our clothes & items precious to us. Then we spent the last few days, living at the SGC, so we could get Abby’s school sorted, getting her enrolled for the next season & showing her where she will live, when she was not living on Atlantis on school breaks. She was quite excited, but said she would miss mummy & daddy a lot. We promised we would visit her as much as we can, but for now, she has a holiday with us in Atlantis. When all was sorted a few days later, the three of us stepped through the gate with all the luggage we could carry, through to Atlantis.

~~~~

On the other side, I was greeted by an excited Rodney & then the leader of the expedition, Dr. Elizabeth Weir, welcomed Carson back & welcomed Abby & I to the city. Then once we had been to Elizabeth’s office for a briefing of the base & it’s rules & regulations, Carson escorted me & Abby to our quarters that shares with the A-Carson of this reality.

As we approached the door, I had noticed a small sign saying ‘The Carson quarters’, Carson waved it open & we walked in with our suitcases & bags. I looked around the living room smiling, before following Carson to our room. Once our stuff was settled into our room, we had come back out, as A-Carson walked through the door, having finished his morning shift.

The Carson’s greeted each other then Carson introduced me to A-Carson, while Abby hugged her uncle.

“Hello, nice to meet you”

I said with a smile, to which A-Carson smiled & answered,

“ ’ello Beck, is lovely t’ meet ye too”

Then with Abby tugging at his shirt, he had looked down at her,

“An’ ‘ello little love. I’s been awhile since ye las’ visi’”

“Mummy & Daddy & me are gonna live here now!”

She squealed excitedly,

“Aye, tha’s wonderful. I ge’ t’ see mah little niece everyday”

“Yep!”

I looked at Abby & how adorable she was with her uncle, a clone of my husband, he was every way the same as the clone I had loved in my own reality, but that couldn’t be now, I am married to the original & I had heard of a girlfriend A-Carson had anyway. I was eager to meet her, so I asked A-Carson about her.

“So you have a girlfriend? She lives here too? And works in the infirmary with you?”

A-Carson nodded & replied,

“Aye, mah lovely Aang. She should be finishin’ ‘er shift in abou’ an hour, then ye can mee’ ‘er”

“I’d like that”

I replied with a smile.

Leave a Reply